The End of Ice
by kamikazecat
Summary: I'm trying something different. First person angst and character death: So this is how it ends. Somehow, I'm not surprised. But, kami, why do they have to cry for me?


A/N:  
Just something morbid i came up with. I'm trying something different, as well as using the first person point of view, and in all honesty, i'm not entirely too happy with how it came out... That's okay. I'm posting it anyway! Non-shoujoai. That's a first, huh?

**The End of Ice**

_Of course, _I think to myself as I fall backwards. _Of course this is how it would end. Why would I have expected anything different?_

Because, looking back on it, this was inevitable. The death that had been staved off for so long had finally had enough of waiting. The constant miracles and all of those lucky breaks had finally failed. It was bound to end up this way. Miracles can only happen so often. And luck runs out.

I guess that I'm thankful, in a way, that I am the first to fall. I'm the weakest in battle. In direct, one on one combat I don't fare well. I'm a liability in these kinds of situations. It only makes sense that I would be the first. This way I won't hinder the others. This way they can fight their own battles without having to worry about protecting me as well.

And… to be honest, I'm very thankful that I will not have to see them as they see me. I am thankful that I will be spared the grief of witnessing their deaths by facing my own first. I will not have to watch them die. And I am glad.

My, that's selfish of me, isn't it? But that is how I feel. There's no point in lying. Especially now. Especially to myself.

I'm jerked violently back into reality as my broken body finally meets the earth. Pain washes over me, blurring my vision and making every muscle in my body tighten. Kami, this hurts! Why couldn't my ending blow have been to the head or to the heart? That way it would have been over in mere seconds. I would have been long gone, rather than lying here like I am, my hands pressed tightly to the deep wound above my breast, gasping for air and getting very little as I hear the wet gurgle of blood filling my lungs and throat. If it had been fast, I wouldn't have had to endure the strong metallic taste of my own blood in my mouth.

If it had been fast, I wouldn't have had to see them cry for me.

Jupiter… No, Makoto. She is closest to me, she was the first to see me fall. If I tilt my head slightly to the left, I can just see her. She's fighting so hard, her lightning seeming to have little effect on the beasts surrounding her. She's trying to get to me through the waves of youma, all the while yelling at me, asking me if I can hear her, telling me to stay awake.

I'm sorry Makoto. It's over. Protect yourself, now.

Minako is a few feet beyond, fighting as hard as Makoto. I can just hear the loud curses falling from her lips. Her eyes are wild and frightened and determined all at the same time. I can practically see the gears in her head working, arguing with herself whether she should abandon the fight and run to help her friend, or fight on despite the casualty. And even with her indecision, I know she has made her choice, and I agree with her. Her eyes harden and she fights harder, kicking, punching and letting loose a barrage of Crescent Beams upon the enemy that is slowly starting to dwindle. She's a warrior, after all. We all are. Fighting and protecting is what comes first. And even though I know she will blame herself later, I have to hope that she won't. I have to hope that she won't think that she could have done something to prevent my death.

It was simply fate, Minako. Nothing you could have done would have changed this.

The blood is overwhelming. I'm choking, hiccupping almost, my body still trying to pull oxygen into my filled lungs. A cough seems to clear my airway partially enough to take a breath, but then more blood comes and the fight for air starts over again.

A wave of heat makes me look to the right. Rei is there, Usagi right behind her. They're blasting a path, making their way to me. I can't help but wish that they would leave me for dead and take care of themselves. They don't need to see me like this. They don't need this memory of me. In the future, when they think of me, I want them to remember how I helped them with homework. How I constantly beat them in swimming competitions. Even how I would get hives whenever I got an anonymous love letter. I don't want them to remember me writhing in pain on the ground. I don't want them to remember the blood or the gurgling sound that came with my every breath. And I certainly don't want them to remember how the life will drain from my eyes as my body finally gives up the fight.

They don't deserve that. None of them do.

I flinch when Usagi finally reaches me and pulls me up into her arms. Rei is standing over her, sending worried glances over her shoulder as she protects us both from the youma that are still living. So few of the beasts are left. In another few moments all of them will have been defeated, and instead of having one tear streaked face above my own, I'll have four. And I don't think that I can handle that. I just pray that my end will come quickly.

The fire that Rei wields is warm against my cooling skin. She's sweating, I realize as I glance up at her. And I know she isn't sweating because of the heat that she's so accustomed to. She's afraid. She's afraid of losing one of her friends. She's afraid that her other friends will face the same fate. And I don't blame her.

But, really Rei. What do you expect? Warriors are fated to die in battle. That's how it has always been.

It seems that my hearing is finally failing me. I can see Usagi's lips moving, and even though I can't hear her I can tell that she's begging me to hold on, to fight the darkness that is now clawing at the sides of my vision. I try to tell her that it's alright, that I'm okay with this and that I'll be waiting for them, watching them, keeping them from harm, but I can't. I keep swallowing my own blood, coughing up my own blood, choking on my own blood and it's almost over. The pain is finally ebbing.

It takes all that I am, but I manage a smile. I at least want Usagi to know that I'm glad she's with me. That I was happy to know her. But my smile just seems to make her cry harder.

It's alright Usagi. It was bound to end this way. But I'm sorry it made you cry. I'm sorry.

Now I can see the others over her. I can see their tears even though my vision is blurred. My heart is breaking, even as it slows. I never meant to cause them pain. Closing my eyes as fatigue takes over, I block out the sight of all of them crying over me. They shouldn't do such things. I'm not worth crying over. I'm just the first one to go.

I take a breath, and almost happily, I realize that it's my last.

And finally, after what seems like an eternity, the darkness wins and it's over.

I feel no pain.

Of course this is how it would end. Why would I have expected anything different?


End file.
